Bipolar

I’ve been acting a little bipolar these days. Most of the time I feel great, but every once in a while get this sense that I’ve had my future taken away from me. I had it all planned out, right down to where I was going to die and be buried. I knew everything there was to know about my future, where I would live, how I would live, who I would live with, it was all planned out. I was in complete control of my destiny and had great future that anyone would be envious of. Like I said, most of the time I’m good, because I know that I don’t (and never really did) have control of what happens in my future. My new future is an adventure, I don’t know where I’m going to be or what I’m going to be doing. I have no idea how the rest of my life will go. I guess I didn’t have my future stolen from me as much as I had my perceptions changed. My perception of control was nothing like the reality of control. No matter how much you plan you never know where your future is, I knew a man who married the same woman three separate times, I also know a man who just got married for the first time in his late sixties. Millionaires become homeless in an instant and minimum wage earners win the lottery. I wonder why millionaires don’t play the lottery, probably because they believe they are in total control. Most days I’m ready and excited to take on my new adventures but every once in a while I have my moments where I miss having the veil over my eyes and believing my future was planned out by me. I still make plans for my future but they are more like hopes than solid plans. I’m going to just stay fluid, hope for great things in the future and try to remember that I’m on a journey I should enjoy.