Depression

Life sucks.  Life is difficult and unfair, day in and day out we struggle.  We all have good days and bad days and we hope on hope on hope that our good days always outnumber the bad ones.  The only way to get through is by trying, it’s not something to be done alone.  You have to be open, to help, to change, and always understanding that nothing is permanent.  It’s important to have friends to go through things with.  There have been a lot of military suicides lately and I’ve known a few of them.  It may be scary to the average American that we soldiers, the ones who are supposed to be tough, can have a moment of so much weakness.  It is infinitely scarier for us.  You have lifted us up and put us on a pedestal and we relished in the idea so much so that when we have a moment of weakness we have no idea how to handle it.  We lose our friends in combat and we understand it.  It’s a death we know how to handle.  When we lose them at home we don’t have any way to deal with it, we don’t know how to understand it.  We grieve for them but also wonder how they got to a point so low that they saw no way out.  We wonder if it’s something that could happen to us.  Some of us may even get to a point where our thoughts are dark and our emotions are untethered and we’re frightened and alone.  We may be surrounded by people but like a wounded animal, we will hide and seek solitude.  We may make it through that rough night to the morning but it drains us.  It leaves us mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  It’s not something you can do over and over by yourself but even surrounded by people we still feel completely alone.  This is when we have to make a decision, a decision to reach out.  Just like the wounded animal, we heal much faster with help.  How can we convince ourselves to do this?  We have a belief that the people who would care would never understand and the people who would understand would never care.  Sometimes we do things in our line of work that are not in our nature as human beings.  That’s where we get the idea that people won’t understand, how could they?  We have to retrain ourselves to know what the truth is and to believe it.  Those that understand will care greatly, because at some point they reached out to someone too.  I’ve had so many highs and lows that I clearly see that no matter how trivial you may think it is, there is someone out there who is concerned for your well-being.  We suffer in silence and it’s a disservice to the people who care about us.  I struggle with being an open enough person as well.  I am plenty open with the trivial things in my life until my low points and then I don’t want to bother people with my problems.  I realize it’s wrong but it’s what we all do.