Pro-Words

This week I’ve been doing some refresher medical training. We’ve been going over how to treat gunshot wounds and collapsed lungs. I’ve done this training almost yearly since 2004, the first time was before my first deployment. It’s not something you can even picture yourself having to do in a real world situation so it doesn’t truly register the way it should. Often times I don’t value things the way I should at first. When I was younger I wanted to be popular and I was successful too. I always defined myself by what was around me instead of what was inside of me. I was the funny kid, the popular guy, the life of the party, the player, the ladies man, etc. That was how I saw myself and consequently how I was seen. I never saw myself as the smart one, the person with a kind heart, the good Samaritan, the reliable guy, the person making a difference in the world, or any of the things I would like to be seen as now. It’s amazing how your perception changes as time goes by. The things we value and even the way we value things evolves over the years. As we begin to realize the things that will last we re-prioritize the pro-words we want used to describe us. The worst part is that when we try to be what we’re not, other people don’t use the pro-words we want. In college my words were cool, funny, ladies man; other peoples’ words for me were probably more like drunk, slutty, and lazy. I don’t know this for sure but looking back that’s what seems to fit. I think the one word that’s been there since high school is lonely. I was always acting the way I was and doing the things I did because I hated being alone. I was never alone, for a while I lived in a house with 28 people in it! Anytime I stopped dating a girl I already had another one waiting, I never sat at home because that meant sitting in the quiet by myself. I just didn’t like being by myself, never really have.  In my thirties I have no idea what my words will be but hopefully they might be something like kind, generous, overwhelming joy, adventurous, or significant change. I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about the words you use to describe yourself versus the words others might be using but when I really looked back it was easy to see they were not the same.