Leadership

I’ve been reflecting on life lately.  I’ve been thinking about where I am in life and where I wish I was and as luck would have it the two are mutually exclusive.  I enjoy where my life is and where it seems to be headed but it’s certainly not where I saw myself as a child.  I could blame all my past mistakes or all the lessons not learned.  I could blame it on listening to the wrong people but the truth is that I have never been where I thought I was and would wager I’m not today either.  Okay, geographically I know exactly where I am but metaphorically speaking I probably am nowhere near where I think I am.  As I look back on my life and think about where I was at different phases in it I realize that I never had a clue about where I actually was.  I always saw myself as a leader, I was cool, I was funny, I was popular.  None of those things make a leader, they are more conducive to a follower.  Don’t get me wrong, leaders can possess all of those qualities but people who focus on those qualities are not leaders.  People who want to be cool and popular tend to make their decisions based on what others will think of them.  Those are the people who choose their clothing, activities, what they say, their jobs, basically everything based on what others will think about it.  Those people are followers, slaves to public opinion and popularity.  A true leader will make their choices based on what they actually enjoy doing.  A true leader will make decisions based on what’s right not what’s cool or easy.  The funny thing is that a lot of people who weren’t cool or popular in high school become very much so in college and beyond.  Being a part of the herd is not always cool, sometimes you have to make choices that are not popular because they are the right choices.  When I look back in 20 years I’m positive that I will laugh at myself for ever having worried about where I am now.  I don’t know where I’ll be in 20 years but I’m sure it’s where I’m supposed to be and hopefully I can remember from now on that I’m not really cool or popular, I’m just a guy trying to make the right choices.

Patriotism

Well, today I have been thinking a lot about the occasional patriot.  You know them, the holiday blow hard, that drunken and boisterous guy who on holidays decides to tell everyone how great America is.  I get a ton of emails around the big patriot days.  Why don’t I get any emails telling me how terrible the Japanese are around December 7 or why isn’t February 23 “Punch a Mexican Day”?  That was the first day of the siege of the Alamo for you non-patriots!  How about “Shoot a Yankee Day” April 12^th, or “Kick a Brit Day” April 19^th (Fort Sumter and Lexington/Concorde)?  Here’s the deal, I’m glad that people want to be patriots and appreciate our service men and women.  What I don’t want is to be bombarded with emails about what happened and where I was when.  I was laying on my couch nursing a hangover by drinking a beer when it happened.  If you want to be a patriot on just a couple of days a year that’s great, cook a burger on July 4^th, but leave me alone on 9/11 please.  If you want to be a holiday patriot do our service people a favor and go to the airport in Bangor, Maine.  They have a group of full time volunteers that spend 8 hour days there shaking the hands of returning members of the military.  Go to Camp Shelby, Mississippi and say good-bye to the young men and women who are leaving and may not get to come back through Bangor.  If your thoughts are to pick a day to express your political beliefs wait until it gets a little closer to voting time.  Don’t get me wrong, I would never want to belittle anyone’s sense of patriotism or pride.  It’s a great thing; it just gets a little exhausting sometimes to be on this side of it.  I remember being on the other side and swelling with pride for my family members on those special days.  On this side of it I get humbled when people express such pride and gratitude.  I also get disappointed on occasions as well.  My first deployment the sendoff was full of pomp and ceremony, there were parades, proud families, and strangers were all around to see the heroes on their way.  The second deployment had families everywhere crying, mothers sad to send off their little boys and girls for the first time.  My last deployment I said my good-byes to my family and went to work, those of us leaving got on a bus and went to the airport as a few people in uniform watched us drive away.  I love to see the pride that most people have in being an American, but when a years’ worth comes out on only a couple of days it gets exhausting.  I’m not asking anyone to not remember what happened, what I’m asking is that you remember those who struggle on a daily basis with the loss of friends.  I didn’t know anyone in those towers or anyone who was at the Pentagon that day.  I have known people since then who didn’t return to their families.  I have known people who came home with fewer body parts than they left with, severe depression, mental disorders, and many other problems.  On a daily basis the majority of people in the military don’t even remember September 11^th, we remember other days.  My wish isn’t to ask people to not be patriots, my wish is that people would be patriots every day.  Visit a veteran’s hospital, donate time and or money to Operation Homefront, Wounded Warriors, or Disabled American Veterans.  We as members of the military ALWAYS appreciate the thanks and love of the citizens of our nation.  I would never want anyone to think otherwise, but please remember that there are those in your own community who still won’t have their legs, arms, eyes, etc. tomorrow either. 

Dreaming

I have been spending a lot of time dreaming lately.  I’ve been dreaming of going backpacking when I get home, I love being out in the woods.  I haven’t been able to go camping or doing anything more than day hikes in a few years.  It’s the whole idea of getting away from civilization that draws me in.  I don’t live in a city and while I see some social benefits to it, I personally don’t find it appealing.  I’ve always wondered why more people don’t venture out into the wilderness on their days off.  For me and my puppies it’s the best part of the week.  When I did live in a city I felt cramped, one of the things that made me feel better was the greenway system.  I would take the dogs out to the greenway and the national battlefield almost daily.  Over the years the woods have become more and more solitary, this is good for me because I like being out there by myself (and the puppies) but it seems a bad omen for children.  I have taken my daughter out on trails for a couple hours at time before and she seemed to enjoy it.  Like I said I enjoy the solitude but on some level I think it would also be nice to see parents taking their kids on day hikes and going camping.  I really wish more people would get into it.  Not everyone is cut out for one and two week excursions into the wild but there are so many parks and battlefields and greenways that everyone should be able to enjoy the outdoors on a weekly basis.  It’s therapeutic, it makes your whole day better which in turn makes other peoples' day better which then causes less fighting and then there is world peace.  I just wish I could see a more active society.  Adults get so busy with their jobs which they have decided are actually their lives, this trickles down to the children who in turn become serial killers.  Kids don’t even pass notes in class anymore, they text each other.  Skype and Facebook have taken the place of walking down the block to visit a friend.  I have actually seen two grown men in the same room have a conversation over instant message.  Is it so terrible to walk outside?  Our busy adult lives have attributed to lazy, depressed, overweight children.  The worst part is just that these children have become normal, overweight children are normal.  I am not exaggerating when I say that weekend walks in the woods can cure diabetes, probably not type 1 but who knows.  It obviously takes more than just a couple miles in the woods on a Saturday but it’s a start.  If we can begin to teach our children how important the outdoors are and how beautiful nature is it might just change their outlook on life as they grow up.  I dream of taking my dogs on hikes and trips.  I can’t wait to stand on the summit of a 14K peak in Colorado with them.  I realize this isn’t for everyone, I’m just suggesting that if everyone would do more walking in the woods that all of the problems of the world could be fixed.  You hear that?  Walking in the woods could possibly cure cancer and end world hunger, stop being lazy and complacent America!!!!

Perspective

It’s funny how most times our worth (both internal and external) is derived from or reflected in the people we choose to surround ourselves with.  Old sayings abound with the wisdom of birds of a feather.  What used to inspire people to seek betterment through befriending people they wanted to emulate has over the years been more interpreted by some to not reach too high.  When I was younger the people I spent the most time hanging around were the people I thought I was worthy of being around when I should have been choosing the people I wanted to be more like.  I had a very low sense of self-worth.   I felt I wasn’t good enough to be around a better class of people.  This attitude was also reflected for the most part in the girls I dated in college.  I let many great women go because I was afraid I might ruin her, I didn’t want people to see these girls with me and think less of them.  As I got older I began to realize the folly in this.  I have always been a person with a good heart even if I didn’t see it.  There have always been people around me who had faith in me and knew the type of person I had the potential to be.  Perspective is a very weird thing, while I had always thought I wasn’t good enough to hang around certain people or date certain women these friends always seemed to have this sad feeling because they knew I was too good to be hanging around the people I did.  It’s a difficult thing to look at yourself and give an honest assessment.  In my eyes my brothers are still these giant men that make me feel just a little bit smaller when I’m around them.  Not in a bad way, just that being the youngest and smallest growing up that’s just how I still see myself around them.  You can’t judge yourself necessarily by the company you keep either.  While you look around and think you are surrounded by people better than you there may be someone out there who thinks you are better than anyone else.  I don’t know how to fix self-image; if I did I’d be rich.  All I know is that the right perspective can change everything.  Instead of choosing the people you think you are worthy of try to choose the people that you wish you could be a little bit more like.  Remember that people see what they want to see, some may see your heart, others may see your past, and others still may see your potential.

A Bitter Rant

I haven’t written anything in so long I have no clue what’s about to happen here.  I just sat down and decided I need to write something.  Here we go.  I have been seeing/hearing a lot of people talking about giving everything to God lately, let me preface by saying I love Jesus as much as the next guy (unless the next guy is Joseph, he’s got the whole dad thing) but I was taught growing up in the church that prayer was private.  In fact I was always taught that your relationship with the lord was private.  Maybe I was taught wrong, not sure.  Preachers used to quote the verse “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.”   I guess the thing that bothers me is it sounds like giving up.  I’m a fighter so it just doesn’t feel right for me to just give up.  I know that people will take issue with this but hear me out.  I’m all for asking God for help, you should.  I am also a big fan of thanking him for gifts, you should.  David told Solomon “Be strong and courageous and do the work”.  I don’t mean to get down on fundamentalist or evangelical Christians I just get tired of people calling someone a “fag” before they go home and have premarital sex, the sins are no different, in fact what if the two men are married in a church by a preacher, they are then unified in the eyes of God right?   The college freshman spreading her legs for a pitcher of beer can’t say that.  It seems like it’s becoming more and more cool to blame God.  I’m not exactly a biblical scholar but it seems like he put people through a lot of things back in the day.  Moses didn’t “give it up to God”, God told him what to do and he went out and did it, over and over even when he wanted to quit.  I’m not just talking about giving up or making excuses or even hypocrisy, I’m talking about a lack of love.  I could spread verses all day about not giving up, “But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.”  I wonder how the Westboro Baptist Church keeps gaining members, I’m pretty sure there is a serious lack of love in that entire group.  The thing is that to me it always sounds righteous which I guess would be the point technically but no one wants to be reminded that they’re a sinner.  If it were up to me every member of that church would burn alive but it’s not up to me.  Again, I have no problem with faith, it’s a part of my life, many people may not really know how much because I keep it mostly to myself.  The fact is I pray several times a day, mostly for forgiveness.  I pray when I wake up, when I go to bed, when I’m running sometimes, just whenever.  I don’t fold my hands and close my eyes; I just talk to Him in my head and no one knows any different but Him.  This post is getting a little long and it’s all over the place, sorry if I offended, well pretty much everybody.

Moral Compass

Okay, here are my thoughts on gay marriage, I have none.  I realize that New York’s recent decision has some people happy, others not so much.  As for me I really don’t care because it doesn’t affect me.  Don’t be upset because you’re a staunch Christian who thinks I’m going to Hell or because you are homosexual and think I should have an opinion of some sort.  My policy is simple, I really don’t care what people do with their private lives as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or affect me in a negative way.  Being straight I find the thought of me being with a man a little icky but the thought of whatever you decide to do is your business.  The marriage thing is tricky because over the centuries it has been turned into a religious institution but it was there before any religion I’m sure.  It was a business arrangement in many ancient cultures, today too.  Even before that there were people who stayed together because they just couldn’t stand the thought of one person being with someone else.  Now is the time to scream about morality but then I bring out the moral compass argument.  Anyone who knows map reading and land navigation understand the compass and the different versions of north.  There is magnetic north (religion), grid north (society), and true north (somewhere in between).  Your moral compass is calibrated by your upbringing.  Some religious people will say that something is wrong because of their religion, a certain society would differ (especially if they never knew that religion), but somewhere in the mix of all this would be where the truth lies.  I think that society and different religions should probably always be pushing each other back and forth.  Without one then the other could completely dominate the ideals.  I am one who believes that arguing and fighting helps to keep us closer to the middle.  If a society becomes too loose and allows their morals to slip into a place where hurting each other could become normal then that is bad.  The reverse is also true though, if religion is allowed free reign over what is moral and good then perhaps we would lose too many freedoms, even the freedom to do things that don’t hurt anyone at all.  One of the worst is when a government, any government decides to take the place of religion or society or both in this natural event because there is almost no way to stop that government from dictating what is good and moral or what is allowed.  So this hasn’t really been about gay marriage, I just needed a good jumping off point.  My main point is that everyone is entitled to their opinion, except the government, they should be forced to reflect the opinions of the people they serve and refrain from dictating morality, let us hash it out ourselves.  We are ultimately smart enough to figure out what is best for ourselves.  Once you realize that your moral compass might need recalibrated. 

Excess

I’ve been away from this blog for a while now, been pretty busy.  Today I was thinking about something and the only way I could think to express it was here.  I was in the gym and began thinking about a story I read, not sure when I read it but the basis was about members of the military going to extreme measures to ensure they pass their height and weight exams.  Doing things like liposuction, bulimia, anorexia, mostly complaining how unfair it was that the military expected them to be in shape and healthy.  This argument holds about as much weight with me as someone protesting a failing drug test, you were well aware of the rules when you joined.  Slightly off course, back on track, let’s talk about excess.  The idea of having to go to extremes seems ludicrous to me, why not just exercise and watch what you eat?  Why not be responsible enough to say enough at the table?  I looked at a picture of members of the military during WWII and thought about what size they were, true we have gotten slightly larger as a populace but the two or three inches in height doesn’t warrant the fifty or so pounds we have gained.  Those people in that picture were smaller because they didn’t try for anything more than they needed in life.  They didn’t have big expensive houses or luxury cars.  Wellfare was something unthinkable, something you were ashamed of.  Those people didn’t want anything they couldn’t earn, they also didn’t want to give away the things they had worked so hard for.  They had small houses that fit their families and had enough room to have guests over, they had family and friends help to build the house so they could keep the mortgage small and pay it off quickly.  They saved their money and paid cash for cars, the attitude of that entire generation was to earn everything, owe no one, take only what you needed, and help those around you hoping they would do the same for you.  That was the way my grandparents were raised, it wasn’t a southern thing or a northern thing, it was the way Americans thought and felt.  Excess actually embarrassed most people, whatever was left each month after bills and expenses wasn’t spent on things, it was put away for the future, retirement, charity, emergencies, etc.  I wonder how exactly we went from being so strong and independent to depending on everyone for everything.  I know it ultimately stems from not appreciating what we have and always wanting more, what would happen if people actually started wanting less.  It’s amazing, when you want less then you need less, if you need less and therefore have less then the government has less control over you.  It’s simple really, the less you have, the more free you become.  You don’t owe banks or governments or people, you can retire earlier and happier, and you live healthier lives.  Everything boils down to not wanting anything more than you need.

Opportunity of a Lifetime

I have been neglecting my writing, mostly because I have been busy. I have been in Fort Polk and now Grafenwoehr, Germany and next week I’ll be in Bulgaria. I went on a day trip to Prague this past weekend. I have been given an amazing opportunity this year to see and experience so much. The problem is that lately I have been forgetting that little fact and concentrating on any little thing that gets me out of my routine. I’m a creature of habit and it takes me a long time to recover from a break in my routine. I’ve been concentrating on inconvenience instead of focusing my energy on the opportunities staring me in the face. I’m sure that missing my family, friends, and my dogs is a small part but whatever it is I’m going to enjoy what I have in front of me. Sometimes we forget what’s in front of us because we keep thinking about what’s behind us. That’s not to say you should forget, just learn to enjoy your surroundings and live in the moment a little. We tend to rush everything these days; our focus is less on our daily interactions than on getting through the day. I’ve spent a month in Germany and in that time I’ve met some nice people, ate great food, seen things most people don’t get to see, and done things I never would have had the opportunity to do at home. I’m going to spend more time enjoying my life, it’s important I think to just breathe slowly and take it all in sometimes. 

Adapt

I have spent the last few weeks working with some guys from Bulgaria.  I’m not exactly an ambassador so this has been a lesson in patience for me.  They come from a country that works on what we call a polychronic time schedule, this means they don’t stick to timelines very well.  This is the exact opposite of me, I’m early for everything and I like to get down to business and get things done.  Having to learn how to work on a different type of “schedule” has been very new to me.  Add to that the fact that we barely understand each other and don’t know each other has made this what you might call an exciting opportunity for personal growth.  A couple days ago I had to teach a class to people who couldn’t understand what I was saying about weapons that I didn’t have.  It was a difficult task to say the least but we all got through it and learned a little something.  One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t just give up on something, sometimes you just have to figure out a way.  I feel like sometimes we give up on things too easily, we have gotten a little too relaxed in America.  I used to drive to the mailbox to get the mail and now I don’t think twice about spending twenty minutes walking to get food.  At home I wouldn’t have considered not driving to the store but the other night I walked about an hour to a restaurant and then another hour back.  It’s amazing what we can get used to, good and bad.

Internet

I’ve been busy and my internet has been terrible so I have finally put some updates to my blog, two were written in April.