Words and actions have some things in common. You can't take them back. Whenever you say or do something without thinking it through people tend to get hurt. I've been under some strain the last couple of weeks. My head is filled with stress and regret and my body is hurting and it's all just starting to hit me at once. I've had a headache for a couple days, my stomach has ached for days, my wrist hurts bad enough I find it difficult to get my shoes and pants on and off. My thinking isn't as clear as it should be.
Several days ago I had been so stressed, hot, and busy that I didn't realize I was so hungry I almost cried, by the time I finally ate and got some water in me I almost threw up. I wasn't thinking and taking care of myself and now my mind and body are still suffering the consequences. If we don't take care of ourselves then it will cause problems in all parts of our lives. While being stressed, dehydrated, and hungry I made some mistakes that caused damage to some equipment. During the recovery of that equipment 8 people got sent to the hospital. This has and me stressed and a bit depressed even more.
This turns into problems in our relationships. I've been fairly surly ever since it happened. I've tried my best to just be left alone which has ultimately caused other people to do more work. I've been a hard person to be around lately and it all started with me not taking care of myself. Now I'm ill, injured, sore, and kind of left alone all because I let things snowball instead of simply taking care of myself.
Now we're down another person when we were already short the people who went to the hospital. This isn't fair to everyone and could have been prevented. I have been short, rude, and downright mean over the last few days. I don't like this side of myself at all, in fact I think this guy I'm acting like right now is pretty much just a d**k. It might take me a couple days for me to get back to normal and it all could have been prevented.
The way we treat our body is absolutely connected to every other aspect of our lives including our relationships. When you don't take care of your self you aren't just hurting you, you're taking a chance at injuring your relationships with the people around you. As usual it's the ones we love the most who get the crap end of this deal. Because they are the ones around us they get to watch us treat ourselves like crap and then get to feel hurt when we treat them no better.
Just a few days of me not taking care of myself have had catastrophic results. I'm a work in progress but I wish my progress was a little faster. I have someone who is not only willing to listen and be a shoulder but actually wants me to talk to her about what's stressing me out and why. This is actually another way of taking care of ourselves that I personally don't do well enough.
I don't have any scientific evidence but I'm pretty sure it's healthier to talk to someone than to hold it in. It's healthier for your relationship as well. I've always held as much in as I could because I just thought that's what you're supposed to do. I wish I was more open about what's bothering me but it's an incredibly difficult habit to break. It's important that I do though. When we love and trust each other we need to make the effort to improve our habits. We need to make the effort to lay our stresses out for our loved ones to see.
I've always just assumed that me sharing what's bothering me would bother, burden, or stress her out and I just didn't see the point in both of us being bothered by it. I'm slowly learning that having someone to share that with will keep you healthier though. If I'm holding it in and not sharing then not only am I not taking care of myself but I'm creating stress and injury on her because she knows I'm stressed and wants to know why I'm not telling her about it. This causes physical and emotional damage not only to me but to her as well. So now I'm tired, injured, ill, stressed, angry, and in turn treating everyone around me poorly which means I'm injuring other people. This isn't fair to anyone, it's selfish as hell.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
Forever
What does it mean to promise forever? It means different things to different people. The dictionary means unending and eternal. The reality is when we are promising that in real life to another person and we truly mean it then it becomes a commitment. Not just that you'll sit there next to someone until you die.
It's a commitment to be what's needed. It means feeling safe and secure. It means never being alone. It also means work. It means you've made a promise to put forth the effort to be a part of something for as long as you can, not until it's inconvenient. It means that you promise to spend your life making every effort to do your part. It's an agreement between two people to always try your hardest.
Sometimes it doesn't work out because of many reasons. Many times one of the people break their promise and either stop putting forth the effort or begin to take advantage of the other person and take for granted that they can do anything they want "because forever." It doesn't work that way. When two people promise forever it's a serious commitment and a promise to cherish. That's a word people tend to blow by or gloss over but it's one of the most important words in a promise of forever.
It means to protect and care for lovingly, to adore. Its a big deal to promise to protect, care for, and adore in a loving and unending manner. Too many people are giving up too soon. Sometimes you need to get out, but if both people are committed to doing those things then most everything else will fall into place.
If you keep your promise to protect each other then that means being selfless and thinking about how what you do is going to affect the other person. Keeping your promise to care for another isn't just when they're injured or sick, that's actually the easiest because that's what we've been taught to do. It means to care about them and they're emotional state. It means if their family needs something you help. It means foot rubs and back rubs after long days. It means drawing the occasional bath for them. It means doing a little something extra for them from time to time without expecting something in return.
To adore someone is to give the utmost respect, esteem, and honor. Keeping that promise means to be absolutely proud to be with them. To show them that you are proud that they have chosen you. It means holding doors and hands. It means smiling at them in public. It means TELLING THEM that they are beautiful and intelligent human beings and SHOWING THEM that you mean it. That means not cursing at them. I hear way too many young men calling their ladies a bitch. That is unacceptable. No man should want to call a woman he loves that and no woman should let any man call her that. Even if from time to time you really want to call someone that, it's not how you treat the one you love. Honoring them means knowing what's right and wrong to do when they aren't around. When you are out in the world you are a representation of each other. How you act is reflected upon them. To honor them means not to act in a way that would make them not want to be standing beside you. All of these promises reside in that one little word "cherish." So promising to cherish someone forever is not something to take lightly, it's a serious commitment to spend the rest of your life thinking about that other person and how the things you say and do reflect on them.
It's a commitment to be what's needed. It means feeling safe and secure. It means never being alone. It also means work. It means you've made a promise to put forth the effort to be a part of something for as long as you can, not until it's inconvenient. It means that you promise to spend your life making every effort to do your part. It's an agreement between two people to always try your hardest.
Sometimes it doesn't work out because of many reasons. Many times one of the people break their promise and either stop putting forth the effort or begin to take advantage of the other person and take for granted that they can do anything they want "because forever." It doesn't work that way. When two people promise forever it's a serious commitment and a promise to cherish. That's a word people tend to blow by or gloss over but it's one of the most important words in a promise of forever.
It means to protect and care for lovingly, to adore. Its a big deal to promise to protect, care for, and adore in a loving and unending manner. Too many people are giving up too soon. Sometimes you need to get out, but if both people are committed to doing those things then most everything else will fall into place.
If you keep your promise to protect each other then that means being selfless and thinking about how what you do is going to affect the other person. Keeping your promise to care for another isn't just when they're injured or sick, that's actually the easiest because that's what we've been taught to do. It means to care about them and they're emotional state. It means if their family needs something you help. It means foot rubs and back rubs after long days. It means drawing the occasional bath for them. It means doing a little something extra for them from time to time without expecting something in return.
To adore someone is to give the utmost respect, esteem, and honor. Keeping that promise means to be absolutely proud to be with them. To show them that you are proud that they have chosen you. It means holding doors and hands. It means smiling at them in public. It means TELLING THEM that they are beautiful and intelligent human beings and SHOWING THEM that you mean it. That means not cursing at them. I hear way too many young men calling their ladies a bitch. That is unacceptable. No man should want to call a woman he loves that and no woman should let any man call her that. Even if from time to time you really want to call someone that, it's not how you treat the one you love. Honoring them means knowing what's right and wrong to do when they aren't around. When you are out in the world you are a representation of each other. How you act is reflected upon them. To honor them means not to act in a way that would make them not want to be standing beside you. All of these promises reside in that one little word "cherish." So promising to cherish someone forever is not something to take lightly, it's a serious commitment to spend the rest of your life thinking about that other person and how the things you say and do reflect on them.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Words
We need to be careful with our words. They're very powerful weapons. Not just what we say but how we say it. It's so important to make sure that our tone or verbiage with someone we care about (or anyone else I guess) is coming from a place of love. I'm very guilty of allowing myself to speak from a place of agitation and most often it's misplaced on those I love and care most about instead of me dealing with the frustrating situation all on it's own and not bringing it into my relationships with people.
It's one of my least favorite qualities in myself. I'm not a patient person as much as I wish I was. I recently spoke in misplaced frustration to someone very dear to me.
Many times we (mostly men) don't even realize that the way we say things is often more important than the things we say. Tone will determine interpretation and we can hurt the people we love. It takes 21 days of constant trying for something to become a habit. Over the next three weeks I'm going to try very hard to increase my patience level as well as my awareness of how I am speaking to people.
I already know I curse too much and I've been working on that. It's odd how now that I've been making the attempt to curtail my swearing I notice other people doing it so often. I've even found myself becoming a little offended by it from time to time when I used to be the worst about it.
My hope is not just that I become more patient but also that I'm capable of showing the people I love more of the respect they deserve from me. If you say you love someone doesn't that denote that they deserve the best of you? I realize that the people we love will be around for our darkest moments but they are there because it's where they want to be. That kind of respect has to be reciprocated.
Our words have the most power over the ones who love us the most, therefore we need to be the most cautious with them. It's sad that they're often the ones we are least careful with. I think it's because we take forgiveness for granted.
I believe that we become so used to forgiving each other that we relax and take for granted the idea that our transgressions will be forgiven. We decide that the things we say are no big deal to the ones we love when in fact those are the ones that think it is.
I sat down and thought about just how selfish I am. When I make a mistake I apologize and I truly mean it. The selfishness comes in that I should think ahead more about the feelings of my loved ones and try not to say things or do things that I have to apologize for. None of us will ever be perfect but the people we love the most deserve our best efforts. We should try to spend our energy being our best for our loved ones instead of using all of our energy on the people who won't be there in our times of need.
It's one of my least favorite qualities in myself. I'm not a patient person as much as I wish I was. I recently spoke in misplaced frustration to someone very dear to me.
Many times we (mostly men) don't even realize that the way we say things is often more important than the things we say. Tone will determine interpretation and we can hurt the people we love. It takes 21 days of constant trying for something to become a habit. Over the next three weeks I'm going to try very hard to increase my patience level as well as my awareness of how I am speaking to people.
I already know I curse too much and I've been working on that. It's odd how now that I've been making the attempt to curtail my swearing I notice other people doing it so often. I've even found myself becoming a little offended by it from time to time when I used to be the worst about it.
My hope is not just that I become more patient but also that I'm capable of showing the people I love more of the respect they deserve from me. If you say you love someone doesn't that denote that they deserve the best of you? I realize that the people we love will be around for our darkest moments but they are there because it's where they want to be. That kind of respect has to be reciprocated.
Our words have the most power over the ones who love us the most, therefore we need to be the most cautious with them. It's sad that they're often the ones we are least careful with. I think it's because we take forgiveness for granted.
I believe that we become so used to forgiving each other that we relax and take for granted the idea that our transgressions will be forgiven. We decide that the things we say are no big deal to the ones we love when in fact those are the ones that think it is.
I sat down and thought about just how selfish I am. When I make a mistake I apologize and I truly mean it. The selfishness comes in that I should think ahead more about the feelings of my loved ones and try not to say things or do things that I have to apologize for. None of us will ever be perfect but the people we love the most deserve our best efforts. We should try to spend our energy being our best for our loved ones instead of using all of our energy on the people who won't be there in our times of need.
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